What Keeps Me Sane
by Forestfire34720
Summary: He's seven when his Mark first appears. A month later, his mother is killed. His father is never the same. And as years pass, salvation seems impossible for a guy like Roy William Harper, Junior.


**With Doppelgänger and The Thanatos Guild having aired, I couldn't resist writing a short Roy/Thea-centric fic.**

 **Something important to know is that I added soulmarks to people. Why? Because I wanted to. Deal with it.**

* * *

 **What Keeps Me Sane**

Roy is seven when his Mark appeared. He has no warning, no sign. One moment it isn't there, the next it is, one word, scrawled out in neat letters below his collarbone: _Salvation._

He doesn't know who it is. Heck, he doesn't even know what the word means until his parents tell him. But he's proud of it. His parents have shown him their Marks a couple of times ( _Masterpiece_ and _Runner-Up_ ), but it hadn't prepared him for the elation of having his own.

For days, he would run around the house, grinning wildly, taking a ridiculous amount of bathroom trips for the sole purpose of gazing at that word in the mirror. His parents merely look on with amusement whenever he excuses himself to the bathroom, happily watching his joyful antics.

That is probably the best month of his childhood. Because a month after the word first appears, his mother is killed.

* * *

His father is never the same.

Their life has never been easy. Living in the Glades ensures that. But they had been doing well enough. Their jobs are crappy, but between them, it's been enough. They stay relatively clean-some beer now and then, but never too much. They aren't able to send him to school, but his mom is able to teach him herself instead. His dad is a cheerful guy, always trying to make his wife and son laugh.

But after his mom dies... everything changes. His dad stops smiling. Nothing seems to make him happy anymore, no matter what Roy tries. Without the income from his mom's job, they lose their house, moving to a little house deeper in the Glades. It's barely more than a bed, fridge, and stove, all packed into one room.

His dad starts turning to alcohol and drugs, and Roy becomes used to coming home to his father drunk or unconscious, sprawled out on the floor. He used to grab the pillow and blanket off the bed to make his father more comfortable. At some point, he stops doing that, with some regret. Then he stops caring at all.

Their life sinks further and further down. His father works his ass off at work, then turns right around and blows the hard-earned money on alcohol and drugs. Roy has to get a job, has to venture out into the dangerous Glades and learn how to survive. For a long time, he's the one who is keeping them both afloat, if just barely.

Life is tough. He has no one to rely on, no family or friends to step in and help alleviate the burden. Not only that, but now he's providing for two. His father is useless. Occasionally, he might become slightly lucid, but it never lasts for very long. In no time at all, he'd be back to his usual careless self.

Whenever he can, Roy looks at his Mark. He draws strength from the familiar word, the idea that somewhere out there he can find hope. Somewhere out there, somebody can save him from his life. It keeps him sane as his life spirals further and further down.

But in time, salvation seems improbably, and as years pass, impossible.

* * *

Six years later, his father finally kicks the bucket. He wants to say good riddance, but can never bring himself to be quite that callous

Every morning and every night, Roy looks at himself in the mirror. He looks at the word etched in his skin. Then he laughs bitterly. _Salvation_. If such a thing exists, it certainly won't be for him. Nobody cares about Roy William Harper, Junior. Nobody will come to save him. Isn't like he's worth being saved anyways.

His age doesn't matter anymore. Age never did in the Glades. What matters is that he is tough and can take care of himself. He fights through his problems, often literally. He doesn't like stealing all that much, but it keeps him alive. He's caught plenty of times, but gets away many more. The people in his area learn to respect the tough street kid. He's young, but plenty tough.

He scrapes by. Salvation is far away, so far that Roy laughs at the very idea of being able to even catch sight of it in the distance. By the time he's nineteen, six hard, long years later, he stops even paying attention to his Mark.

Then one day, he makes the mistake of stealing from _her_.

* * *

Roy had heard of Thea Queen before. The younger sister of the famous Oliver Queen. A druggie who was caught doing Vertigo. To be honest, she disgusts him-she has a life of wealth and privilege, and this is how she spends her days? It isn't a coincidence that it's her purse he take. He recognizes her face one day when he's out and about. He doesn't particularly need more money at that moment, but he can always use more. Roy can't help the bitterness from rising. He feeds it by taking her purse. She's rich from her family's money; it won't hurt her to part with it.

He's almost impressed when she tracks him down and gets him arrested. Then he almost laughs at her gullibility when she falls for his lie about his mother and Vertigo.

He wants to keep his distance from her after that. But somehow she tracks him down, demanding her purse back. Roy gives it up, because even though he wants to deny it, now that he's met her, there's just something about her that makes it impossible for him to say no to her.

When he sees the thugs attacking her outside his house, he doesn't think or debate it. He doesn't weigh the pros versus the cons, doesn't think about how much she's screwed up. He just _moves_. And then he's stabbed because of it.

That's what he gets for trying to play the damm hero.

* * *

Roy tries to brush off the kiss at the hospital. Tries to convince both himself and her that it means nothing. But late at night, it replays in his mind: The apprehension of watching that needle come closer, suddenly overtaken by the soft touch of her lips.

Weeks pass, and he and her somehow become closer. She constantly comes after him, goes out of her way to talk to him. It bewilders him-why would rich, self-absorbed Thea Queen care about him? He spends his days hoping that she won't find him that day, but somehow coming home disappointed every time she doesn't.

Then one night, trying once again to escape his thoughts of her, he finds to his surprise that he no longer hates Thea Queen like he once did.

* * *

That night, he looks at his Mark for the first time in a long while. Not an idle glance as he dresses in the morning. He really takes a look, and he ponders. He's convinced himself that salvation doesn't want him, and he doesn't want it, but now, he wonders. He thinks of Thea. He's never felt this way about anyone, yet now he does.

Maybe... maybe salvation _is_ possible? Maybe Thea... maybe Thea might be his salvation. No, that's absurd. Right?

He tries to scoff, but it doesn't come out quite right.

* * *

A tearful Thea hugs him tightly when he walks into Verdant, the weight of his shame dragging him down to rock-bottom. After a moment, Roy returns it, feeling desperately unworthy of her. He's a terrible person, has had to do terrible things to survive. Thea may have made mistakes, but none as bad as his.

At the same time, he can't help feeling maybe he can atone. It's hard to believe, but he has to. For Thea. Maybe he isn't worthy now, but he with hard work, perhaps someday he can reach that step, finally be able to feel like he can truly belong to a girl like her.

Because when he was tied and helpless in that train, with a gun pointed straight at his face and the man holding it ready to pull the trigger and end his existence, he realized: He loves Thea Queen. And he isn't ready to leave her.

* * *

A few nights later, Thea makes him come over, despite his protests. He's intensely uncomfortable in the fancy mansion of the Queens, but the family welcomes him in (excluding Oliver, who greets him emotionlessly and then leaves to do whatever stuff rich people who've been stranded on an island for five years do after coming home).

They watch old, crappy movies and eat popcorn, and halfway through the third movie, Thea falls asleep, curled up on him, snoring happily.

And for the first time, as he looks at her, peacefully asleep, her arms wrapped comfortingly around his torso, he truly believes, with all his heart, that Thea Queen is his salvation.


End file.
